book: Out of Egypt

i decided to type this when I am free, at home. Motivation- left my ex-company but know God has touched many lives who are in need of healing....esp. for women in terms of homosexuality. I cant do much abt it. I love the pple but I know what they are inclined towards is wrong. If it takes a miracle, God has a message for their healing. The below book is written by a previous homosexual, how she walked in a victorious life after being healed of her emotions.

Btw, my 3 'goals' for 2005
are (i) deeper walk with God, (ii) praying for family, (iii) efficency at work (thus no extra emailing like this at home, will prioritise the typing from the book)...


******Chapt One*******

I laid back on my bed and sighed deeply. My bedroom was so cold I could see my breath spiralling up to the ceiling. It was two-thirty in the morning and outside the usu. busy road was silent. I stared at the ceiling, contemplating part of a scripture I had just read: 'You did not choose me, but I chose you to go and bear fruit--fruit that will last' (bible book of John 15:16)

A realisation struck me suddenly. I did not have to choose God. He had already chosen me. All I had to do was receive everything he had to give me.

The past three months flashed through my mind. I recalled the first time a fellow teacher told me about God and His love for me. I remembered her surprised and pleased reaction when I first walked into church. I thought back to my recent Christmas vacation with another woman, my current lover. I considered her love for God, and her love for me. I experienced the sense of loss as I recalled leaving her at Sydney airport. I thought I had left God in Australia too.

But He had other ideas. As soon as I landed in England He made it clear that I had changed. Although I tried to resume my lesbian lifestyle, it felt uncomfortable and I felt out of place in it. What was once so appealing to me was now hollow. i had been around Christians too long. Their rich quality of life and love for Jesus stood in sharp contrast to the emptiness I was now feeling.

And now He was bringing me to a point of decision. God had already primed me concerning the 'cost' of this gift of salvation. For the past month I sensed that he had been speaking to me about my lesbianism. ' I know that you believe this is all you have. But I have something better. I have the best for you.'

God never told me what the best was. But I did know that in receiving Him I had to turn my back on lebianism. I was frightened. Won't I actually be rejecting myself and my friends? How can I explain this? Will my lesbian friends think I'm a traitor? To give up my lesbian identity seemed impossible. Yet, in that cold winter of 1985, I knew this was the only decision I could make.