I received the 'revelation'

This morning, when I awoke, I hv this impression - don't cry for your past/ your wasted yrs/ your incapabilities. Instd look towards the future, smile and help others.


Indeed just last week, I was eating with three frens and I told them that I wished that I was twenty yrs old again. After going through some much 'mistake-pain-significance-finding-no confidence-then redemption' process, I know that is the year (period) which I started not living my life purposely and wisely. On the outside, I look good. I talk better, think faster, dress betta, eat better and danced in a ministry... Yet the hole in my heart was there, the gap in my mind was there. I was in a period of wilderness - lost from God and not knowing what to do, doing things wrong, having thoughts of depression and negativity.

If I cld live my life again, indeed I would want to be twenty yrs old and start afresh fr. then.

Haha, but that day when I told my three frens that, I realised it was quite positively shared. Indeed as I realised twenty yrs old was the point when I started going 'downhill', now I hv eight (oops?!) yrs of 'experience' to share with people whom God places in my life, that I was silly, unwise, indulgent in the wrong things and pursuely all my desires... leaving God out of the picture.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------At tis point in time, I wana share why people who used to know God don't know God now, OR don't seem to know God or want to know God...
'cos it is difficult, difficult in this world of 'visuals', fast life, money-centred societies and problems in personal relationships.
etc.etc.

Wasn't helpful if at the point of loss and lostness, there was nobody to support, pray with, and worst, a lot of pain within without an answer.

It was not easy for all of us, unless and until we know we can continuously run back to God, to 'press' Him for an answer, to ask Him why and how we should live.

Perseverance with faith is the ingredient that is birthed. No matter how 'ugly' we may feel or INSIGNIFICANT we feel abt ourselves being a silly/struggling christian, that is a true feeling of being transformed (*pause*) INSIDE-OUT.

2 Corinthians 4
and chapter 2 as well
[www.biblegateway.com]


Why ask God ?
Becoz when we first came to know Him, we know He has the particular answer for the/that particular area(s) in our lives, or simply we know He is God - He created and sustained everything.

The WORd of God reveals every matter in truth and evergreen wisdom plus realness in all times. Even when we though feel like it, it is truth that sets us free indeed...

Do NOT let the FEARS which come cripple you. THE fear of God is NOT a fear that cripples, it is not a Fear WITHOUT purpose, without understanding, that causes you to leave Him. How to explain ???
It is NOT a fear of things, of drawing near to Him, fear of a God of punishment...

Hmm... it is difficult for me to explain. Somewhat an illustration is this :
say you are BUYING a bowl of Noodles, the seller asked you to pay $3.00, you only have $2.80 (or even $2.70 - whatever), but you just want to eat... then you try ur 'luck' and asked. If the seller says ok, you are v. surprised; however, if the seller says no, you understand.

It may not be a good illustration, but WHat I am TRYING to say is this - God is God indeed, He judges (as He prevails the justice, forms the Laws of Right and Wrong) and He protects, He Leads, He Counsels, the 'battles of life' He fights for us; He is Love, etc.etc.

How can we know Him totally when we shun away becoz we dun get wat we want from Him ?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------


Ok, back to my silly, unwise living for the past eight yrs.
As I count my blessings this morning and regain my significance -self and identity as a child of God, I knw I can thank so many people besides God.

I thank my DAD
my MUM
my BROTHERS (they r my younger brothers) who help me to grow up and be more mature)
my AUNTS
my UNCLES
my FRENZzzzzz

the ones (my desires) whom I fell in 'love' with, the experience as frens with them taught me that I was un-loving, selfish, immature and socially inadequate.

THE LOVE WHICH GOD HAS FOR ME and HIS PEOPLE's CARE FOR ME in my life taught me to re-learn being a person -from being unable, insufficient and unloved, o yes - & being bitter, (with weaknesses) to one being friendly, more confident, MATURE, ENDURING, PATIENCE, more loving and gentle.

God changed my thought pattern from negative to a perspective and positivity AND emotional life into a healthy one.
I believe the etc.etc. will come.

I dare not talk too much now. But I am believing God for more, more to come for many yrs (He knows how many yrs). STEP by STEP, DAY by DAY.
He has tested me in many areas, dunoo for wat, but I guess it is going to be revealed day by day.

[o yes, He also taught me NOT to be Extreme - by thinking too much (PREDICTING too much), wanting to ACHIEVE A LOT overNIGHt... even caring too much & Not Knowing how to Rest... being slow at work etc.etc.]


I am NOT perfect, weak, YET His GRACE is SUFFICIENT for mE. He is a miracle worker. Haha, and my fren shared this > when I cannot SEE the HAND of GOD; I should TRUST HIS HEART.