my life - my work ? ... a dread...

It's been a long period since I realise wOrk is Not something I am good at... my Life is not "happening"... my thots abt WorK r negative... I am lost abt the future... etc. I found myself distancing from God & very affected by people... and stressed at work.

There are nights where I spent, sitting in front of the computer, maybe hoping the computer would speak to me... hahaa, OR, the hole somewhere wld "suck me in", OR, the time wld stop - and I can just laze ard... sleep more... listen to more of the silly jokes and songs on YouTube.

The 'vicious cycle' of wanting to discover myself continued. It is amazing how God works. He never force me, I believe He never force anybody. He said in His Word - He does not change like shifting lights; ...I am the Way, the Truth and the Light; ... whoever believes in me shall not perish, but have eternal life. I am a christian, but I hv never felt so sad and deep in faith-lessness for these weeks.

I wondered & wandered, where am I drifting. And, am I ever going to be joyful again ? God, can You understand ?

Cannot explain to u (if u are reading tis) how I got the answer. Simply, I began to understand myself more - the real me and the me I wannabe... and ALSO, learning to say NO, no to self-rejecting-silly thots. And facing disappointments courageously - i.e. accepting that life is not perfection & learning not to be scared-worried abt how the "World Is gEtting Bad to Worse", etc.
Wat I really feel is, the Perspective is Clearer when I am nearer to God.

I can trust God, Lean on Him, let Him show me each day by each day.
Also, trusting Him for my job, no matter how I dislike it, dread myself for staying in the job, dread the days of the week... plus dun wana wake up Becoz I duno why I am going to work.
=)

The Most Beautiful Discovery is, I dun have to continue with the "DREAD" feeling... not becoz THIS IS LIFE... etc. BUt, becoz I know for sure, GOD Protects my dignity as a person, grants me Joy in making livelihood, and Guides me to Greener pastuRes ! Amen.

I dun wana jump from 1 dustbin (work) to another dustbin... and He knows.
I dun wana quit knowing that it was ME not doing my job well, He knows and moulds me.

SOONnnnnnnnnn I will Leave... yes, and I hv NO idea... where to go actually. I just beLieve.