28 DYNAMIC, NOT STATIC

We've talked abt who it is u're marrying. Now wat is marriage ? U've had Barth's definition. I can't improve on that, but there r 4 things which, as u live out the days and weeks and yrs wif ur husband, marriage turns out to be.

It is a dynamic, not a static, relationship. It gets either better or worse. As pple either grow or deteriorate, relationships betw. them must grow or deteriorate. A common explanation offered for marital incompatibility is "We outgrew each other." A couple meets in high school or college, shares youthful interests, marries, begins to find out that "making it" in the world may not be as much of a lark as making friends, making grades, or making winning scores in competitions back in school. Responsibility begins to close in and bills have to be paid, decisions made, hard work done for which there r no public (and all too often not private) rewards. It's been said that if a couple doesn't grow together they grow apart. But for the couples who have in all seriousness said their vows before God and in the presence of witnesses the possibility of growing apart need not be allowed (which I tink in today's context - much minimised).

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Friend, lover, husband. In ur life together he will be many things to u. Confidant, companion, provider, strength, playmate, listener, teacher, pupil, leader, comforter, and as Sarah (bible character) saw Abraham, "lord." Each role has its glories and its limitations, each requires a different kind of response fr. u and this takes resilience, adaptability, maturity. Life is made exciting and interest is sustained by these dynamics so long as all are undergirded by love.

Someday, ur provider may lose his job. Ur strength may show unexpected weakness; ur knight in armor may experience a public defeat. Ur lover may become a helpless patient, sick, sore, and sad, needing ur presence and care every min. of the day and night. "This isn't the man I married,", u will say, and it will be true. But u married him for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, and those tremendous promises took into account the possibility of radical change. That was why promises were necessary.
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