i wanted v. much to blog abt my 'discomfort' bUt...

hmm... If i hv 3 wishes from God, tis could be the 3 wishes :

(a) hv 3 Esthers (with wisdom, joy and strength)
(b) lotsa time say 36 hrs a day (greedy greedy, i do my stuff 24 hrs and then sleep the last 12 hrs, FULL)
(c) a job that requires me to work 3hrs a day BUT pays $3,000 per mth
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hmm, item (a): 3 of myself.
Why ?
there's never enuff of ME... not tat i am in High Demand... nor proud to see many Esthers. But somehow I get the feeling tat my frens never get 2 see enuff of me (haha, a guy once said tat when he date me that i am always so bz... silly, haha ->> anyway, continue my 'story')... i never felt it's a gd feeling honestly.

I feel terrible when I don't hv sufficient time for my frens, i noe i 'spread myself too thinly'; so much so that I cannot 'go v.deep' in my frenship(s) with them. IF there r 3 of me, I cld hv more time to meet my frens & concurrently, more time to focus on my work and more time 2 reply 2 the neverending emails which my colleagues & clients send.
...

item (b) 36 hrs a day
> it seems too long a day if it's a bad day at work, if it's a long day at home (MC) Or if it's with braces (like now) haha
BUT, i really thot of how nice it wld be 2 have 36 hrs a day
--say, I can watch TV for 4hrs, exercise for 2hrs, go enriching classes like dance for 2hrs, hang out wif several frens for 6hrs, work for 3hrs, spend time wif family for 3hrs and read/do nothing for another few hrs and then... go sleep... yup SLEEP for a full 12hrs.. and maybe the dark eye rings wld go away somehow..
keke


item (c)
Why...
Surely it is not difficult 2 find such a job... haha, but anyway, 3hrs is a gd time to spend each day at work, and then go out & invest my time in other stuff.

TALK ABT THE QUALITY OF LIFE ! =) Time to go beach, watch movies, eat, go workout, bring my ah ma out, hang out wif frens, enjoy my hobbies...haha and with $3,000 - it's sufficient for me to support myself, i can save up for future needs, spend on nice clothes, spend on holidays... and buy gifts for family & frens...


ACTUALLY, All of the Above are not happening... and I am not dreaming much abt them le.
Decided to write tis entry as I really feel tat it's a tough way of Life in Singapore (maybe everywhere else). Everybody wana hv EVERYTHING and wana to be considered to be gd in every area of their lives...

The world which we live in is imperfect. It seems that something is lost at the expense of another.

E.g. people lose some quality time wif their family when they work overtime (gd pay, gd job).. they lose patience after a long day at work...
some others lose time wif their frens when they get married/attached or busy 'climbing the corporate ladder'... they lose the connection wif frens & the other areas of their lives sometimes..

and at the other end, some who take much time to relax cld hv, forgotten to invest time in work (end up wif not much savings for family or emergency needs) OR forgot how they cld sustain a job/ be an excellent worker ...
watever...

For christians, it is a big big big struggle as well, to be excellent at work, to be a mother/father, to earn enuff... to be a gd steward of our talents and also to serve.

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At a certain point in my life (not too long a past ago), I tried to do the Incredible-Supergal-Act of balancing everything -> enjoy life, hang out wif frens, work, do my hobbies, help people, spend time wif family...etc etc

Truly, v.difficult. I didn't know my limits, and I dun care abt my limits. I simply LIVE EACH DAY TO ITS FULLEST. Ha, hahahaa. Actually, not every activity is very impt. nor meaningful.. but I just felt time was running out. Silly right. A fren once said - I am like chasing the TIME...

Never at rest. Sleeping is the least impt. for me. People are the most impt. I cannot explain why I felt so... But it wasn't effective at all... I burn out easily...

SIGH... thank God it's never too late, not too late for me to realise.
Now, i am more steady - take time 2 ponder wat 2 say when pple ask me for certain stuff.. & v.conscious now abt how I spend my time, and how I shd say No to starting a friendship (even a same-gender friendship) and say No to activities that are not necessary at tat moment.


Out of the items above, my "wish list", it reflects I lack time and management of resources. I just practically decided tis: I needed to 'streamline' my friendships... for a start, I needed to let go of friends - some of whom I simply stopped sms-ing and initiating the gatherings as I realise frens & gatherings took up too much of my time.
I do treasure frens BUT there is a time 4 everything, and 'way out' of having too many friendships when they 'occupy' my life ( am not gg to tell u how i priortise betw. Friend A and Friend B... but simply, God grants wisdom promptly to allow me to react/ say / maintain that contact )

... Friends dun disappear overnight... some friends were not active in meeting up anyway... some just need to grow up and be on their own... Whereas some other frens are just meant 2 be there in my life (it works both ways) for a certain season.

I learnt tat letting go of frens also mean tat friendships are built and founded on eternal basis. It's just a matter of time persons meet/ catch up again...
watever it is, it is my personal opinion... some say I cruel or too decisive... but it is true. Too many frens = much time spent.


JIA LAT, i duno wat I am writing le
let me go back to items (b) and (c)

ok, item (b) i guess i need lotsa time as i wana do lotsa stuff
jia lat... must be in the genes... both in my grandpa and pa and aunt.
i can dance, sing, eat, dream, talk 2 a fren... one activity after another...
activities can be enriching... bUT, since i cannot hv 36hrs a day... i realised that PRIORTISING is v. impt.
Learnt tis 1st from my present job, right fr. the beginning. Can u imagine, a client complains, the other phone rings and the boss requests for a matter to be resolved, then subsequently, ur colleague need ur help on a matter and almst immed. u attended to her, ur boss and u hv to go in for a meeting... it's like one wave after another.

I came to see that activities can be 'taking away' time like one wave after another... it's just never-ending. YUP, thus, activities tat involve people -frens, helping the needy etc. may be meaningful, BUT they too can be Non-Impt. and may not be what requires my time at the moment.
How shd i put it simply ?
36 hrs would not be enuff too... priortising is required as there will always be too many people to hang out wif/ attend to; and too much tasks required for a day.


Honestly, it takes time to learn /wisdom to do the BALANCING ACT... Some of us just dun do it naturally, OR maybe some of us are more moulded by circumstances or shaped by people's opinions-expectations.

IF time is an issue and i hv too many frens whom I feel need my company, aiyo, how not to be misunderstood when I am not supergal, wif no super-enuff time and actually, being a slow person at work matters. For me, my personal space and time alone is necessary as well. I dance, I exercise and read.. all part of developing myself... and yes, I stopped hanging out wif too many gals-ladies (esp. those whom I am not v.close with) when I realise it's 'overwhelming' for me at times, i cannot handle...

In short, i hv my 'boundaries' lor... I am NOT God. There is only 24hrs a day, limited resources on my end... there are some whom I sense God just needs them to be alone, to face the 'challenge' or matter they struggle wif at the moment... thus I leave them on their own.

God brings people together at His perfect timing, and this incl. friends.
Activities also dun hv much meaning if they are just there to Fill Time.
At last of all, tho' not the least, resources and talents are precious gifts from God. IF i hv a job tat doesn't pay well, I still use the talents God had giveth and tink of how i can get other resources OR max. resources i benefit while being at the workplace.
BELIEVE...when I live my life w wisdom (without regrets) and ask God to 'bridge any gaps' I hv in the diff. areas of my life, I just noe that the world won't fall apart without me, I just DO the v.best for the daily stuff. And plan for stuff I endeavor to achieve for the year...

=0) pardon me, i may not be making sense le... v.tired. I will POST abt my new 'ambition' - to create recipes-enjoyment for tis period (while i hv braces) since every foods I cannot eat now. I nearly cried today. So baby...

.................... ciao ! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz