gRowing Up

it is ReaLLi not ez to grow up... =o) I say this not philosophically but as a thinking person - true to her feelings & expressive wif her thots.

Sincerely, if I have a choice, I rather not grow up.
Ha, you must think that I am such a parasite.

=p there r many responsibilities - responsibility as a person, a worker, a daughter/son, a friend/girlfriend/boyfriend, as a mentor (to the younger ones), as a worker (where company politics is unavoidable and performance is regularly tracked), as a citizen, etc.

Sometimes I do wonder, having grown up/ growing up, do human beings become better or worse ?

I thank God and my parents. Am quite sensible. I do not easily lose direction/ myself (as in changing to suit the society/ having no character...) as my personality is such that I analyse. I will not change anyhow/ for any people/ for $money sake/ for fitting in to a group of people. I change for sincere reasons, especially when I know I am hurting people and myself.

[could also be my weakness; I used to evaluate always- too often. Now, I don't think so much.]

I am thankful that I have recognised and acknowledged that I need to grow up. Need to learn to change from being petty to generous; being too dependent to being independent; change to be a more loving person (as my family does not show love outwardly); change to be more accepting (my family does not express agreement/ words of affirmation- rather critical); learn to be bold and make firm decisions, etc.

It was tough, especially when nobody pointed out my weaknesses/ areas require change before I turned 20. (it's easier to change when one is young...)

I also thank God tat I have time and opportunities to be lazy. Haha, no sense of urgency. However, I need to do otherwise from now on. No more wasting of time.
It's definitely time to grow up.
The sense of urgency finally kicked in end of last year.......up to this year, now still.

It's perhaps the most painful process - i.e. to exercise discipline and enforce change.
Usual practices have to go; usual habits have to kick; usual thought patterns have to change - basically it takes effort and consciousness to no longer be the same.

I learnt that I want to be successful as a person - in terms of doing what I like and also responsible to my family.
It is v.tough as I do not want to be 'burdened' by my family - who is overprotective and very longwinded; sometimes too timid.
They don't encourage entrepreneurship; they don't encourage openness in sharing.....they like to be themselves (cannot be inflexible to accepting others/ other options).

I thank God, really, as He has given me many opportunities to change; given me Strength to change; given me joy to be in my family - how much God did bring changes & allowed a TurnAround in our communication & focus & miraculously -quality time together [even in extended family]. They don't believe/ acknowledge God really turned things around way back in 1996 till now. Aunt Rachel had really persevered i praying.

=0) That's all for now. I am going to rest, read, enjoy some music and sleepppzzzzzz.